Why You Still Feel Insecure—Even When You Try to Act Confident

"Real self-respect is seeing yourself the same even when dressed in your best and worst."

 —Keneng Mathias

Almost everything you've read on the internet about building self-confidence is false. It's a tough claim but let me justify.

How many times have you read blog posts selling you ideas to become confident: make strong eye contact while speaking, stand upright, speak louder, etcetera. The truth is those are emblems of self-confidence, not the cause. They are but proofs that confidence is here, not the real thing. Real confidence is within, the fruits are those signs you see outside. It happens from inward, outward. Not the other way round.

It's like a man who has an apple tree and a mango tree in his yard, unfortunately he doesn't like mangoes. So he prunes all the mango fruits from the tree, then glued apple fruits to his mango tree; and expects it to start producing apples. Won't you call him insane, who behaved like that? You will. Unfortunately many people behaves the same way. 

Do not be deceived that outward gestures will make you confident, real confidence is built from within. But how? You'll ask. It's simple. First, understand the root of self-confidence. The anchor of self-confidence is self-respect. Self-respect is having a deep feeling of self-worth within. It's valuing who you truly are. It has nothing to do with your outfits. Real self-respect is seeing yourself thesame even when dressed in your best and your worst.

That's the kind of posture that brings impenetrable self-confidence and self-trust. Many people don't trust their ideas—but will readily accept another person's own—because they don't respect themselves, believe in themselves or know their true worth. 

So the first step to becoming self-confident is to first become whole from within, the outward will adjust. Have a deep sense of self worth regardless of circumstances, you're valuable than you think you are. Learn to say no, keep your values, respect yourself first, and the world will follow suit. And live uprightly.

4 ways to regain your self-confidence

If you’ve lost your confidence, it’s not gone—it’s just buried. Here’s how to uncover it again:

1. Reconnect with who you are

You don’t need a medal or a perfect outfit to be enough. You already are.

2. Stop borrowing confidence from others’ approval
Real self-respect means you're not inflated by praise or deflated by silence.

3. Feed your inner root daily
Speak to yourself with kindness. Make decisions that honor your values. Keep promises to yourself.

4. Protect your values
Do not compromise your values (what you truly want within) for anyone's opinion. Respect yourself more than the voices of people.

You don’t need to become confident. You only need to return to the truth:

You already are.

It’s in you. Stir it.

The world doesn’t need your act—it needs your real self.